John 15:9-12; 1
Corinthians 13:4-13; Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
In the Name of the Father and of the
+ Son and of the Holy Spirit.
Marc, Lauren – today you two will
follow in the steps of billions before you and establish a new community, a new
household, a new partnership, a new family. Since sometime shortly after the
Sixth Day of Creation, man and woman have been joined in marriage and the two
have become one flesh. So, this day, you, Marc, will cease to be merely Marc,
and you, Lauren, will cease to be merely Lauren. Truly, you are no longer two,
but you are one.
But, what does this mean? That is
a good question! It is commonly believed today that each of us is independent.
Indeed, independence is a founding principle of our nation and the American
Dream we each pursue. However, independence is neither natural to us as God’s
children, nor as holy, sacred, and virtuous as we might be tempted to believe.
Truth be told, we are never independent, but we are always dependent upon each
other. Not a one of us came into this world independent. Quite the opposite! We
each came into this world completely dependent upon our mothers who nourished
and protected us in the womb and who continued to do the same after we were born.
Each of us was born, quite by necessity, into a community, a family, each of us
having, at the very least, a mother and a father and grandparents, and quite
likely siblings, aunts, uncles, and cousins. John Donne was quite correct when
he wrote that no man is an island. Likewise, beyond our immediate families, we
were each born into communities, villages, towns, cities, states, a nation,
etc. Our dependence upon others, from the beginning of our lives to their ends,
is absolutely obvious. And, yet, we cause ourselves and others so much
heartache and suffering by striving for and insisting upon our independence.
After each day of creation, the
LORD looked upon what He had made and He declared it good. However, after the creation of the man, for the first time,
God looked at what He made and He declared that something was not good. “It is not good that the man
should be alone.” And, that’s the beginning of the greatest love story ever
told – the only love story there is, from which all others are drawn. That is
the story that you, Marc and Lauren, enter into this day. “So the LORD caused a
deep sleep to fall upon the Man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and
closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the LORD God had taken from
the Man He made into a woman and brought her to the Man. Then the Man said,
‘This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman
because she was taken out of Man.’ Therefore a man shall leave his father and
his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”
The two shall become one flesh.
What does this mean? That’s another great question! Well, I know of no equation
of mathematics where one plus one equals one. In terms of relationships, however,
marriage in particular, the only way that one plus one can equal one is through
mutual sacrifice. And, that is precisely how marriage is described in the Holy
Scriptures. St. Paul teaches in His Epistle to the Ephesians: “Wives, submit to
your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even
as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.”
Likewise, St. Paul teaches in the same Epistle: “Husbands, love your wives, as
Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify
her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he
might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any
such thing, that she might by holy and without blemish. In the same way,
husbands should love their wives as their own bodies.”
Now, I know that word submit makes everyone’s neck hairs
bristle, and rightly so given the way that term has been twisted and distorted
from its true meaning in Scripture to justify all manner of misogyny and
discrimination and abuse. However, that is not what the Lord and St. Paul have
in mind in using that word. What the word submit means in this context is
“Taking one’s proper role in God’s order and laying aside one’s selfish interests.” And, that goes for
the husband as well as for the wife and for us all. As I shared with you during
our counseling in preparation for your marriage, St. Paul says elsewhere, in 1
Corinthians, “The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the
husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body,
but the wife does.” Marriage is selfless. Those who enter into marriage
insisting upon maintaining their independence not only miss the meaning and
purpose of marriage, but they are setting themselves up for great difficulty if
not out-right disaster.
Marriage is about love. I’m
certain that we all agree about that. In fact, some of you are probably
thinking, “Finally, he’s going to talk about love!” Ah! But, what is love?
That’s yet another great question! In know, everyone thinks that they know what
love is. After all, Hallmark and Hollywood and Tiger Beat and Vogue and Oprah
Winfrey and Ellen have all told us what love is, right? Wrong. Dead wrong. Love
is sacrifice. I’ll bet you haven’t thought about love that way before. But, let
me share with you just a few words about love from the Holy Scriptures. St.
John the Evangelist has written that “God is love.” Well, there you go! A
simple definition of God: God is love. However, we still don’t know what love
is, so we can’t know who God is. Ah, but Jesus tells us a bit more. Jesus says,
“Greater love has no man than this, that he would lay down his life for his
friends.” Let me paraphrase that for you: No greater love is possible than that
a person would sacrifice their own life for the sake of another. That is love;
love is sacrifice. So, God is love; and love is sacrifice; therefore God is
sacrifice. But, there’s more! Jesus also commands you that you love one another
as He has loved you – that you sacrifice yourself for others and for another.
Love is sacrifice. And, as I said a moment ago, and you all agree – marriage is
about love. Marriage is about sacrifice.
Marc, this day you commit yourself
before God and these witnesses to sacrifice yourself for the sake of Lauren and
for the sake of your marriage to Lauren. She and her welfare, both physical and
spiritual, will, from this day forward, be more important to you than your own
life and wants and desires. And, Lauren, this day you commit yourself before
God and these witnesses to sacrifice yourself for the sake of Marc and for the
sake of your marriage to Marc. He and his welfare, both physical and spiritual,
will, from this day forward, be more important to you than your own life and
wants and desires.
The passages you selected from the
Holy Scriptures were good choices! From 1 Corinthians: “Love is patient and
kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not
insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; […] Love bears all
things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never
ends.” Do you see how all of the qualities that are said to be love are
selfless and sacrificial? It means being forgiving, slow to speak in anger,
long in listening, and always putting the best construction on the words and
deeds of the other. As you think of and treat your husband, your wife, so do
you think of and treat your own body, for you are one flesh. However, this is
no easy task, for our flesh tempts us to lash out in anger, to point out our
spouse’s failings and mistakes, to be impatient when we believe we know a
better way, to harbor resentment and not forgive, etc. Therefore, you will need
a source of strength and patience and forgiveness and mercy and compassion to
draw upon and to fill you that you may love.
And that is where the passage you
selected from Ecclesiastes comes to bear: “Two are better than one […]. For if
they fall, one will lift up his fellow. […] A threefold cord is not quickly
broken.” Just as the LORD brought our First Parents together and established
the covenant of marriage in which two become one flesh, so is Jesus Christ the
third strand in the cord of your marriage that will make you strong and
unbreakable. If you abide in His love, then you will have ample love for one
another to bear and to endure all things. Do not neglect the Third Partner in
your marriage. It is Jesus’ love for you that has brought you together. It is
with His love that you love each other. And, it is with His sacrificial love
you that you will be able to sacrifice yourself in love for each other. You
have asked Him to bless your marriage and your one-flesh union, and He will
most certainly will.
Keep this image in mind: When God
created Eve, He did not take her from Adam’s feet – that he might rule over her
and subdue her. Nor did He take her from Adam’s head – that she might be lord
over him. But God took her from Adam’s side – his rib – that she might be an
equal partner with him, ever at his side, close to his heart.
Marc, Lauren, always remember that
your marriage, blessed by God, is a reflection of God’s own Divine Family –
Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. As you sacrifice yourselves for one another, two
becoming one flesh; and as, if God should so bless you, you are fruitful and
bear children – remember the third partner in your marriage – your Lord Jesus
Christ. It was God who brought Adam and Eve together because He desired for
them to know the love and fulfillment of His own Divine Family. He is the love
that binds you and makes you one flesh; and He has promised to be with you
always. Call upon Him daily for your needs. Thank Him daily for your blessings.
Make Him Lord of your hearts and your marriage – and He will bless you and your
marriage. You will be fruitful. And your one flesh union will be very good.
In the + Name of Jesus. Amen.
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